Growing up without you was hard….all of those secret dreams that you’d call one day just to say I love you…or even to just say that you were thinking about me. But those calls never came unless I was the one dialing the phone. The effort shown only when I guess you felt forced to, somehow didn’t feel so insincere at the time…and I lived for those moments when I felt somewhat complete again.Growing up I stood up for you so many times in my life…still so naive and holding on to the magic of childhood that still enabled me to hope that one day you would change and try…..And as I grew older, the realization that I was not a piece of your life that you missed became more and more clear.
So to the man who didn’t try, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving my heart with a barren emptiness and false hope for all of those years, I forgive you for your forced smiles as I longed to keep you near me as long as I could, I forgive you for never making me a priority…..because in turn, I had the ability to watch and learn what it was to have a father from my grandfather….I got to experience true compassion and love from a man that gladly stepped up and said I love you. I got to feel what it was to share a father’s time and learn from him.
Your not trying led me to fully appreciate a man who does…to accept shortcomings that are so small and focus on the loving gestures of a man towards his child. Your not trying led me to the man who will never abandon our little girl…..the man who from the second she was born has made every moment count, and every experience an everlasting memory. You may not have tried, but what I learned from you only led me to a man who succeeds in the one place you never have…..in LOVE.
So to the father that never tried, I hope you one day feel if only for an instant, what its like to know the greatest love of all….the untouchable and unbreakable love for your children.